An honest question has come up recently from faithful fans who have noticed the long lapse since the last update to our website, the longest ever. I've been asked by some of you what's up, why has our website been dormant for so long? It wasn't planned; I'm sorry it turned out this way. My last work on the site was a new page additions about my dad, who died just over a year ago. I wanted to add a brief homage to him, and took my time to collect some photos and scans of his artwork, to share with you. That was posted at what would have been his 97th birthday, near the end of 2003.   More than I realized at the time, I was still quietly grieving over his loss, although it certainly wasn't unexpected, and there was no bitterness over the way it happened. It's just the normal cycle one must work through, which delayed my concerns with a lot of things I normally attend to. And during the same period, I'd grown much further depressed at the alacrity with which our country seemed to be heading off the edge of the world, so to speak. I automatically distrust "missionaries" and pundits: political, philosophic, religious, who try to convert us to their beliefs and prejudices. So I'll describe these observations as neutrally and honestly as I can.   My dad and I often discussed the situation during our weekend long phone visits, checking on my mom and him (BTW, she's still doing very well, I just visited with her a week ago). Those of you who have read the closing parts of my encomium for the grave losses of September 11, 2001, will know that I took it very hard and personally. It happened just a couple of miles from where I live. The story is told in my special Aftermath pages, created when it all was fresh and most painful. The final section in particular was an extremely difficult and heartfelt discussion of innermost reactions, of fears and concerns I experienced and shared with several close friends. After updating the page very slightly at the one year anniversary of the attacks, I left it alone, and have not returned to it since then. But the underlying worries never left me, have not worn away. Like many of you, I've felt some of the sharpest pangs diminish over time, as those of the loss of a loved parent. It's something we're prewired to do, to reach some kind of equilibrium after sufficient time has passed. Life must go on. The attacks, though, are not the only tragedy that befell us that day. The way we headed off since then is, if anything, even more distressing. I know many of you share in my concerns, from your letters. For someone like myself, who was never particularly political, who tried to remain balanced, centrist, and independent, experiencing this growing kernel of unrest and discovery was a major surprise. If current conditions can turn a relatively passive citizen like me into an apprehensive activist, what must it be doing to those who have always been very involved?   This is a terribly difficult time to live through, whatever your persuasions. I realize not all of you will agree with me, but that's one of the things that still makes this country great -- our freedoms to express conflicting opinions, to agree to disagree, the liberty to stand up for our beliefs. I dread that we are a country not only under attack from without, but also from within. I know things can often look worse when you are close-up to them. Hopefully that's the case here, as well. But with each passing month since 9/11, the reality has grown increasingly troublesome. For awhile I began to feel I was being cast as the child at the end of Hans Christian Andersen's classic tale, "The Emperor's New Clothes." But gradually I observed that I was but one of many, of thousands, now of millions, from both political parties. To us, too many citizens still seem to be in denial.   As an independent, curmudgeonly cuss, I find both partisan extremes nearly as frightening as the other. To choose between, say, anarchy and fascism, is no choice at all, is it? The two extremes have more in common than either seems to realize. Who cares what labels are attached, when you deal with radical left or right, the worries are the same. It's the absolute, close-minded, zealous certainty that's so scary. Whichever "party" would sponsor such radicals as are now in charge of our government, I would consider them equally guilty, equally dangerous.   Consider: two opposite sides, two groups or political parties, who need one another more than they perhaps realize. It's true of most systems, this yin/yang symmetry of balance. And if either heads off to its most extreme element, the problems grow exponentially out of whack. Balance is exactly what we're missing right now. I've assembled a small photo essay about it RIGHT HERE. It delineates some historical precedents via visual metaphor, and demonstrates why I have become so damned worried right now.   Over the past couple of years I've found myself becoming consumed by what's going on. Slow, patient creative work requires a mind at rest, undistracted. Instead you could hardly help noticing how much we have been taken over by a blitz of what kindly is called: propaganda and spin. I might blame my parents and teachers for raising me as someone who has trouble telling fibs or even "white lies," perhaps overly scrupulous. Being a skeptic (not to be confused with a "cynic") also determines one's general outlook on life. I don't trust mere anecdotal "evidence," but insist on some double-check, some test in reality, some countermeasures to the "natural skills" we all have for self-deception, seeing what we want to believe. Dogma of any kind drives me nutz!   So it is that I've observed the growing warning clouds of doubt, the storm which is brewing, the attacks on the roots of our country and its founding documents and principles, a "diet" of hubris, oblivious deception, and hypocrisy. Just consider the revival of anti-woman, racist, homophobic early signs of intolerance. Arrogance itself is a complete turnoff to me, as it was to my dad. Cloak it with sanctimonious paraphernalia, the trappings of an ersatz patriotism, pretended infallibility, a chronic bout of neo-empire pretensions -- well, anyone can see where this leads. And ain't none of it good, people.   We had a pretty damn fine country here for 225 years, glitches, warts and all, I thought. Didn't you? Obviously some did not, and were methodically aiming to bring about a hidden revolution, into a bellicose near-theocracy with a small wealthy elite lording it over a vast underclass of the poor and the hopeless (that's us). How un-American. Aren't you honestly ashamed how hated we've made ourselves in the eyes of everyone else on our planet? Thank the friendly folks who also brought us Abu Ghraib. This country's generations to come will curse our names, as they "pick up the tab" for this folly.   And don't blame the conservatives -- there is nothing conservative about what's going on. But you may blame the subculture of the Triple-Selfs: the self-serving, self-centered, and self-righteous. Our own human larcenies encourage many of us to follow these unholy pied-pipers, witness good faithful people showing too much trust, too happy to be placed center-stage in a campaign of hate, ignorant of history. Eventually the masks will fall, once those in control have assured there's no way we can get rid of them. Then we who've been duped and used will at last grasp our blunder -- but by then it will be too late baby.   As I write this we stand at one of those major crossroads. There's still a chance we'll heed the writings on the wall, set aside our most selfish motives, and change course. That includes even those who have to "hold their noses" to act wisely, to purge the radicals and regain their party's former values and greatness. Or am I being histrionic here? Those of you in other countries, particularly those with historically similar dark episodes, will understand. So many of us remain "on tenterhooks," viscerally frightened, where these past months are leading. One way to try to get past it, if only temporarily, is to write this candid, sincere message to all of you tonight, even though it's painful to try to put such thoughts into words.   You see, I've been maintaining my own "grip on life" by work, mostly. And music. Since I finally got my new pipe-organ based instrument assembled (which I call the Wurly II), I've been putting in a lot of practice on it, trying to acquire the necessary skills. At first -- boy, did I stink! What can one expect, from a couple of months of organ lessons decades ago, with no home instrument to practice upon, now pretty well forgotten? Anyway, when I've been feeling the most vulnerable, the most worried, that's what I've been doing, running fingers and toes over the musical notes which have always been such an important part of my life. As a side-effect I finally hear some progress, at least approaching a modest goal.   Perhaps I'll soon find the courage to record myself. A few of you in your letters have asked me what the new instrument sounds like. I'll connect some gear in a way I can at least do a few informal simple live tapings. After all, this IS a recording studio, beneath all the computer and MIDI gear that often overwhelms me lately. I've also spent a lot of time both last year and this, in putting together the best possible job I can do of the final albums for ESD, the audio, texts, and time consuming graphics work. I'll mention some of the latest and ongoing results below. Again, though, under a specter of increasing anxiety, the work has gone much more slowly than usual -- especially for an obsessive type like me.   Well, there you are, pieces of what's been on my mind much too much. You can sense by my passion and submerged anger how freaqued-out I've become. Perhaps you can't trust these observations -- I may no longer be capable of being objective, and have gone around the bend. It's also made me much more aware of things I used to take rather for granted (I'm always checking many news sites each day now, of every viewpoint I can manage to locate on the web). Unexpected. I promise once my focus can leave the very real worries about "big" topics: country, safety and honest governing, then the "lesser" topics of web page creation, new music making, and a lot of other once important issues, will once again take center stage, as artists historically are wont to do.   Meanwhile, thank you for your patience, especially those of you who don't see the current situation as so grave. And don't forget to check out that short pictorial essay on Balance. I hope our great nation will soon begin to heal the optimism and respect we were so well know for. Also, while it's very late to point this out, the observation will apply for the next many years and elections: for those of you in the USA, whatever your convictions, be sure to get out and VOTE! It's our duty to be informed, honest citizens, and it all begins with that act, as we've so painfully learned: Every Vote Counts.

I feel like I was just whistling in the dark with this deeply-felt message. We'll see how large a two by four it takes to get the mule's (or ostritch's) attention. 99% of us are going to pay the bill for the hubris now on display, and it'll be a doozy. We'll see how much it was worth it, to tell everyone else how they ought live their lives, moralizing on how evil they are, feeling better to shred someone else rather than raise a finger to do something constructive, to protect our country's values and its Constitution. We can act like a "ME-Generation" of savages; but the reality is we're all in this together, an "US-Generation." Diminish one part of us -- you diminish us all.

(Gor, do I still sound angry, or what? Sorry. Anyway, on to other thoughts and Open Letter replies.)